Margin

Imagine you're playing this game.

It's an electronic, portable Skeeball variant, about the size of an open laptop if you slice it right down the middle. The goal is to bounce marbles on the little blue trampoline into the rings to score as many points as possible before time runs out.

How would you do it?

I first tried this game at TFH's place. Being right handed, I picked up marbles with my left hand, passed them to my right, where I shot them at the trampoline, which I thought was pretty efficient. I think I ended up scoring something like 60 points, and though I knew I had a lot of room to improve, I asked TFH what his high score was, for reference.

"About 200," he said.
"No seriously?"
"Seriously."
"No way. Please demonstrate"

TFH shrugs. He begins the game by picking up six marbles, three in each hand. He then launches all the marbles from one hand at the trampoline, right hand, left, then right again. It is a ridiculous sight - he is shooting 2-3 marbles a second, and while some of his shots are way off, impressively most hit the targets. Meanwhile, TFH's two cats are madly running around on the floor, batting at the marbles as they fall. TFH doesn't crack 200, but is able to more than triple my score.

This Skeebal episode is an example of one of the things I love about games - when someone comes up with an inventive strategy or technique to eke out the littlest advantages possible in a game, to squeeze value out of the proverbial lemon until it is dry. I've heard this alternatively called gaining margin, minmaxing, or perfect play, but I believe all gamers like me (that is, competitive gamers) recognize it.

Take my coworker, Semi, who plays a lot of Warcraft 3. In Warcraft 3, you need to hit a lot of keys on the left side of the keyboard - asdf, zxcv, etc. - while your right hand handles the mouse. The one exception is when you want to use one of the six items your hero has. Each of the items can be accessed by hitting the number pad on the right side of the keyboard, which is a reach for the left hand. To minimize this, Semi bought a detachable number pad which he could put close to his left. Buying a separate number pad for one game may already strike some as going a step too far. Semi didn't stop there. In Warcraft, your hero can only hold up to 6 items, so the only keys on the number pad that are relevant for the game are 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, and 8. Finding he accidentally hit the "useless" keys (like "3") too often, Semi decided to flick out all the other keys.

Ruining a $25 piece of electronic equipment for an almost imperceptible improvement in game ability? This is what I mean by margin.

But this phenomenon really isn't limited just to gaming. For example, my friend "Mike" has plotted out his life goals on an Excel spreadsheet in a tour de force of analysis that will make any gamer proud. Let me define what this means. He's broken down his goals into general categories: job, money, romance, etc. Then, he's added dozens of subgoals under each category. He's written down how much wealth he'd like to obtain, exactly where he'd like to visit, even how often he'd like to have casual sex. He can literally enter in inputs numbers in a spreadsheet and it'll spit out a number telling him how close he is to experiencing everything he wants in his lifetime (how would you like to know that you are 21.23% of the way one day, and then 21.26% the next?).

I think if you asked someone what they think about this, they will tell you that Semi or Mike display a level of obsessiveness bordering on being dangerous. After all, gaining margin is about pushing a game, even the game of life, to the very limits of analysis, which almost by definition means you're taking something a little too far. Perhaps this is why so many successful people - in chess, poker, art, acting, etc. - appear crazy.

So why do it? I'm sure the reasons are different for everyone, but maybe I can explain by counterexample. Recently, I've taken to classifying things as the 106.5 of their category. For example, Horatio Alger is the 106.5 of writers, PF Chang's is the 106.5 of Chinese restaurants, and Kinkade is the 106.5 of artists. For those who don't know, 106.5 is a popular radio station in the Bay Area. I can't say I hate it, and in the interest of full disclosure, I'll admit I do listen to it from time to time.

The thing about 106.5, though, is I don't know anyone who loves it. I'm sure even if you don't live here, you know a radio station like it. One which over and over again delivers safe, played out hits that rarely offend. 106.5, in other words, might never fail, but only because it never tried to be great.

And when thinking about it this way, I realize that's the one thing I want most to avoid - to have the 106.5 of lives.

A Real Rock Band?

It’s New Year’s Eve, and our bassist is flipping out. She’s standing in front of the TV, her right hand positioned on her hip, while her left holds a beer.

“Guys,” she says. “I’m not going to say anything if you want to play without me… But if you do, I’ll just stand right here and enjoy myself.”

A New Year’s Eve party isn’t the place where you’d expect to see the normally hardcore Xbox 360 gaming machine. But the release of extraordinarily party-friendly “Rock Band” changed all of that. The game allows a group to pretend to play as a band with plastic instruments that plug into the game console. Up to four people can play since there is a microphone for singing, two guitars (one for bass and one for lead), and even a drum set.

The whole setup could easily take up 100 square feet – a precious commodity in the Bay Area. Not the mention $160 sticker price for the game alone. It turns out, though, that Rock Band is about as worth it as we could have expected from a video game. At Bigpika's place, the game is played over many late nights. Repeated use of the drum kit causes the foot pedal to break in half, necessitating an emergency repair. We even pepper each other with emails during the work day with song lyrics that are stuck in our head. Here’s a sample of what my inbox looks like in the span of a day:

We do play a lot. This time however, our excesses with Rock Band, don’t compare with others I’ve seen.

(1) Take the night I am at Precious’ place, playing the game. After he shotguns yet another beer, I ask Precious if the game is more fun when drunk.

He looks at me seriously and says “Jacks, the thing about this game is it makes you drink. I play this game… and then I start drinking, and soon enough I can’t play so well anymore.”

It sounded like a page out of an alcoholics-anonymous meeting (“It’s not my fault, I swear!”). Indeed he could have probably laid off the alcohol as later that day Precious text messaged a girl he was dating to tell her he couldn’t afford to see her anymore (I guess she never paid for anything), and, even worse, drunk dialed his mom.

(2) As increasingly seems to be the case, the true fanatics take their craft to YouTube. The site is full of videos of players showing off their stuff, and 5 year and 8 year old kids playing better than I ever could. My favorite is one where a college-aged kid dresses up to look like a rock star, plays with an abundance of flair, and ultimately smashes his friend’s guitar upon completing the song.

Rock Band is certainly a good time because it can inspire these belly-laugh moments. But beneath it all, there’s a quieter debate about how realistic Rock Band really is. Does it teach you how to listen to music? To play an instrument?

On one hand, people argue that Rock Band is nothing like playing in a band, and that they’d rather spend their time learning a real instrument. On the other extreme, one of my coworker once made the bold claim, “Let me put it this way – I would feel pretty damn comfortable if ‘Enter the Sandman’ came on, and I was sitting behind Lars Ulrich’s drum kit.”

Which brings me back to our jilted bassist. Upon seeing the scene unfold, bassist planted in front of the TV, crowd expectantly waiting, a fellow party-goer noted, “Alcohol, loud music, and a band that is breaking up in front of my eyes... Maybe this is more like a real rock band than I thought."

Think Negative - A Character Study of BSOR

BSOR, a law student at [school], is so pessimistic I can't tell if he's serious. As one of his friends, I talk to him frequently, but I've known several who seem to be weary of his shtick. Ask BSOR what he's doing, and 9 times out of 10, he'll tell you "Nothing. Bored." Suggest something to do, and his most common facial expression is an "are you serious?" look of scorn. Once, when asked what the best part of his vacation to Asia was, BSOR simply shrugged and said "I guess one of the hotels was nice." His attitude towards life seems to be summed up as "work, die."

When someone appears to be such a drag coefficient on happiness, it does beg the question - why hang out at all? How do you get a silver lining out of someone who is such a reservoir of negative feelings? Well for me, I have found at least part of an answer - a constant barrage of overly energetic and optimistic comments.

BSOR normally opens conversations with a deadpan "yo." "sup." or "I am bored off my ass." I respond by coming up with increasingly fawning titles to describe him: "The incredible BSOR," "BSOR, the legend.", or just "BSOR!!!" plus a variety of smiley faces. My praise normally is met with a stone wall. For example:

Me: B-"the punisher"-SOR
BSOR: what the hell
BSOR: where did that come from?

And:

BSOR: beatenbyjacks.
Me: BSOR! what a pleasure!
BSOR: shut up
BSOR: whats going on

BSOR is a master of using negativity to explain his actions. He's doing whatever he's doing since there was nothing better to do. Rather than saying he went to law school because he wanted to practice law, BSOR instead explains that he's there because he would be broke otherwise. In these cases, I take the role of an overly involved career counselor or motivational speaker.

Me: BSOR! You can't just settle for law since you need to survive. What are you PASSIONATE about?
BSOR: Meh.
Me: TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR OWN LIFE!

If you're thinking "BSOR isn't that unusual. Law is not typically something people get excited about," what about situations which are unquestionably positive? Like an abundance of attractive singles?

BSOR: the problem with the women here
BSOR: is that they're cute, smart, personable
BSOR: and willing to use all of that against you in the blink of an eye
Me: you speak of them like they are heathens or something
BSOR: oh they are the scourge of the earth
BSOR: sent here by the devil
BSOR: to mess with the minds of men
BSOR: half of my dorm block has been hosed already
BSOR: it's like an epidemic
BSOR: and I'm out of vaccines

I sometimes get tired of trying to get BSOR to see the positive side of life, so I take the opposite approach, prodding him with questions that he's bound to answer in such a negative way it's hilarious. When BSOR started law school, I knew the famously rigorous first year would be opportunity to egg BSOR onto some paranormal negativity.

Me: BSOR!!
Me: HOWS LAW SCHOOL?
Me: you've been at it for a few weeks now?
BSOR: ONE WEEK
BSOR: SHIZNIT
Me: does it FEEL LIKE A MONTH?
BSOR: FUCK YES

Note how BSOR uses an all-capitalization style (which I've adopted to mock him) to mock me. These verbal dances lead to, in my opinion, our best exchanges. Here, I catch caffeine-dependent BSOR in the middle of one of his classes:

BSOR: FO SHHHOOOOOOO
BSOR: I'M CHUGGING RED BULLS LIKE WATER AND POPPING SOUR PATCH CANDIES LIKE TIC-TACS
Me: WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID YOU EVER GET THIS MUCH ENERGY
BSOR: RED BULLS AND SOUR PATCHES
BSOR : DOWNRIGHT MAGICAL
Me: NORMALLY YOU ARE HALF ZOMBIELIKE AND ARE FULL OF STATEMENTS LIKE "shiiiiit." AND "yo."
Me: WHAT'S NEXT? WILL YOU ACTUALLY BE POSITIVE / OPTIMISTIC?
BSOR: OH FUCK NO
BSOR : THAT TAKES CRACK COCAINE
Me: CRACK IS ONE STEP AWAY FROM RED BULL MY FRIEND
Me: I LOOK FORWARD TO TALKING TO YOU NEXT WEEK WHEN YOU TELL ME LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

BSOR, I'm still waiting.